Not Anywhere Far .. Just Been Quiet

Monday, January 14, 2008

Hmm let's see. Last entry was on the 24th Dec 2007. Foohhh! That's a long time for me to not be blogging,

Reasons? Hmmm.. M Disease I guess, coupled with the hectic pace of life in the recent weeks. To compensate, I actually posted a long entry about a week ago, sumamrising a 2-weeks period of the last shcool holidays. Then, the efx2 went a bit haywire and I found out that I lost that one post.

Anyway. This is my very first entry in 2008 and I'll start anew.

Aliya turned 10 last week, the 9th January 2008. My baby girl! What happened between the days I held the cute-sy smallish baby girl in my arms, afraid if I'd do her wrong and the tall, lanky girl with a ready-smile, feet as long as mine, I wouldn't know.

And to have a daughter aged 10 years to me is mind-blowing. Well, since Wednesday was a schoolday, I planned a little family get-together on Thursday, the 10th January. It was a Awal Muharram and the whole gang came over. I'll post pictures once I get back to the office.

I'm at home now, while Ayisha is napping and MrGart took Aliya, Adani & Ariz to our apartment in Tr0picana to jegil-mata to our tenants. It's 6:45pm and I should really get dinner started, but yesterday I had a really tense moment with the maid, with a lot of yellings and since the house is rather quiet, I don't feel like going downstairs and face her.

There really isn't anything wrong with our helper. After all, she's just human, so am I. But it's really hard to 'tegur' her at all. Last week, I said to her that I thought it was too much that she took almost every weekend off to visit her relative since she came back from last Raya. Especially when I'm already giving her 2 trips home every year. I wasn't angry or anything, just matter-of-factly only. That earned me a cold week.

Yesterday, while I was steaming apams, she asked why I was being cruel to her. I got annoyed and I wanted to explain to her my position, except that she kept interjecting here and there. So I asked her to keep quiet while I talk and then she it's her turn, I'll listen. Nope. Then my emotions got the better of me when she couldn't stop peppering every word I said with her defensive words. I screamed and yelled myself hoarse at her, trying to keep her quiet.

So yesterday, I said it's up to her. My primary concern was to give her a job so she can support her family. If she wants to leave, the I have to choice but to let her go. But she can only leave empty-handed in April, since she at the moment owes me RM1300.

She locked herself in her room last night and this morning when I left for the pasar too. I came home around 9am to a quiet house and went about dealing with the wet haiwans and once the kids were down, Andes was still locking herself in her room. Aliya opened her door and she's not there!!

Damn! We thought she'd run away. I really thought so. But her clothes were all there. The back door's keys were missing too. But I refused to believe that she'd run away. She wouldn't do that to us.

True enough, she came home around 10am through the back door, eyes swollen and went straight to her room. Foooohh!

About 5pm, I received her SMS apologising for yesterday and asking to continue work with me. I replied telling her that I want her to work, but she needs to be able to take criticism when she' wrong.

Alhamdulillah this episode ended on a good note. I was very very worried about having to get a new one right now and worse if I needed to get one like for tomorrow. But I still feel quesy about facing her while cooking, Nak buat camana, I ain't the touchy-feely kind of person and I don't deal with emotions well at all. MoshTino would be great at dealing with this. I suck greatly. I run away from it and refuse to get involved. So cold-hearted, I am.

Opps. Terpanjang pulak. Gotta go.

Before I end, for the 2008, blogging-wise, I pledge to blog more often and more intelligently, I hope. I hope to blog for more earth-shattering issues and world-changing views rathet than the bickerings I have with my helper or what Ariz puked at dinner or which part of Adani that Ayisha has pinched blue-black.

And of course, I hope to tingkatkan amal, ilmu dan iman. Psstt that's straight from InaAli (boleh pinjam tak?), I borrowed that quip from her in one of her posts on UKS. I thought it's aptly perfect. That's what I aim to do in the year 1429 (betul ke ?).

Amal. I will usaha to lipat-gandakan my amal from now on. Senyum itu adalah sedekah juga dan if I think I'm sengkek, there are sengkek-er people than me. If I think I'm tired, there are other people who have relentlessly sacrifice themselves for others.

Ilmu. I aim to increase my knowledge about Islam and particularly of our beloved Prophet Muhammad. I've been such an avid fan of books of all genres but have never really read up on Islamic scholar. Will strive for that this year. Will also listen more to the airings of little kuliahs on ikimfm. Little nuggets of information works wonders.

Iman. Kalau dunia, kita kena tengok orang yang dibawah kita. Tapi kalau hal-hal iman dah akhirat, tengokla orang yang diatas kita. I aim to lipat-gandakan my iman this year, to perbanyakan sembahyang, zikir dan puasa. Insyallah. Ya Allah, bantulah aku untuk mengingatiMu, mensyukuri nimkatMu dan memperbaiki ibadatku kepadaMu.


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